An interview with a New York City nurse

Today, I bring you an interview with Kat, a recently graduated RN in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) at one of the "Big 6" NYC hospitals. Kat was dropped into the working world right as the pandemic really took off in the city.

We chatted about what it’s like to start working as a nurse in the midst of a pandemic, what she’s doing to take care of herself, and what she’d like to shout from the rooftops at the general public.

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I know you got your RN job right before this all blew up. What has that been like, being a new nurse at a new job?

Yes, I just got this job as everything blew up. I was undergoing orientation as the rise of COVID started, and then the week that the cases began to pop up in hospitals and the closures of businesses started was the first week that I was on the floor, working as a nurse.

Throughout nursing school I was told that school was hard but my first year as a nurse would be harder, so I had pretty low expectations for my joy levels during my first few months of work. I obviously had no way of expecting what the reality would turn out to be, and it definitely caused a ton of anxiety and confusion. Every day the policies on who can visit and what mask/PPE (personal protective equipment) to wear changes. There are things that were drilled into me for a year in nursing school that now have been thrown out the window (like how masks are single use and not to reuse any PPE).

The only silver lining to this is that even the nurses who are 40-year veterans have never seen anything like this before, so it is new to everyone and everyone is equally as confused and scared of what can happen. 

Have there been any particular frustrations?

A lot of my frustration has come from people not taking this seriously. I know that it was easy to push this off as something that was far away, and could never happen here. Regardless of this there are still people who everyone has been seeing on the internet, going to religious services and spring break parties and the like. As someone who doesn't have the ability to stay home, it makes me truly very mad. If they could see the fear that I see on my colleagues faces every day walking in to work they might begin to understand the gravity of this situation.

There are so many people at a disadvantage with this pandemic: immunocompromised, elderly, homeless individuals, people having to shelter in place with people who are abusive, and those incarcerated. Every time someone goes outside just because they want to it indicates to me that they have no regard for these groups of people.

I just want to be able to see my parents again, my boyfriend, and my friends. I am self isolating because I am at a high risk of infecting them. This sucks and by not listening to the regulations in place people are lengthening the time that we need to go through this crisis.

What are some particular moments of light or joy?

The other night I was walking home from a 12.5 hour shift and went past a high rise building with the doorman out front. He was older and wearing a mask. He nodded at me and said "go home, get some rest, get up early and do it all again tomorrow. You're making a difference, thank you."

I'm usually pretty uncomfortable when strangers talk to me, but lately every time I go out in my scrubs people have thanked me. Of course, there are also people giving me dirty looks and crossing the street when they see me, but I can understand that they're just afraid. It is such a small thing but what that doorman said to me is something I keep playing in my head when I get overwhelmed.

What do gestures like the 7pm cheers for healthcare workers and the Empire State Building lighting up in flashing red and white meant to you, as a healthcare worker?

It's actually pretty ironic, but the days I am at work are the days that I don't get to hear the cheers, because I get out at 7:30. For me personally the cheers are less about essential workers and more just a reminder that other people are out there, right next door, going through the exact same crisis. In NYC it's really easy to feel isolated. I live alone so I can go days without seeing another person. When the cheers go down at 7pm (on my days off) I always get a smile from the family across the street with a group of little kids who go out and bang pots and pans.

It's obviously not PPE or crisis pay or an end to this insanity... which most people have little control over. The things that bother me are the people cheering that then go on to ignore social distancing, because that is the one thing that we CAN do. But for the most part if we healthcare workers go on scoffing at every little gesture that the public makes then we are going to have a tough time getting through this.

As for the Empire State Building being lit up, it's generally just terrifying. It made me feel like I was in a scary movie, which I guess we kind of are, but still. Light it up a different color, please.

How are you taking care of yourself, both at work and when you're not at work?

At work it is strangely easy to feel OK. There's a wild sense of calm on the floor that this is what we do and there's a certain dignity to showing up for our patients. I'm very thankful that my unit is relatively sheltered from the crisis, with the exception of a few parents and a few babies.

Is it exhausting to show up to work when all my friends are "WFH" and goofing off on Zoom calls? Of course. But honestly the times when I am least anxious about this pandemic are when I am at work.

When I am not at work I try to take at least one hour each day to listen to a podcast or watch a show that has nothing to do with reality. I recently bought an XBox for that exact reason. I also have started doing yoga daily as a way to kinda tap into my body and remember to breath.

What are you playing on Xbox?

I have been playing "Sea of Thieves" virtually with my boyfriend, which is about finding buried treasure and fighting off dead pirates. On my own I love to play some good ole Zoo Tycoon.

What are some things you wish you could scream off of the rooftops? Perhaps to educate the general public or otherwise?

SURGICAL MASKS ONLY KEEP YOU FROM SPREADING THE DISEASE, THEY DO NOT PROTECT YOU FROM GETTING IT. N95s NEED TO BE PROPERLY FITTED TO YOU FOR THEM TO DO ANYTHING. GETTING TESTED DOES NOT CHANGE THE COURSE OF TREATMENT.

But seriously, if you're wearing an N95 mask around your neck to the grocery store, when my colleagues in the ICU get one per 12+ hour shift to perform invasive procedures on COVID patients, I will give you a dirty look.

Also, if you feel sick it doesn't mean you need to overwhelm the healthcare workers further by getting tested. Stay at home and call your Dr, they will walk you through the treatment. Only go to the hospital when you can no longer manage your symptoms at home.

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Well, you heard the lady! Don’t hog ill-fitting N95 masks, STAY INSIDE, and spread the word. I will be doing just that, and also checking out both Sea of Thieves and Zoo Tycoon…